The Smiley Girl

I will tell you about a transformative experience that profoundly impacted my life. The moments that unfolded during this period shaped my perspective, strengthened my character, and offered valuable lessons that continue to resonate with me.

About 2 years ago, my friend in college introduced me to a girl who had an autoimmune disease and was also diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). The story began when I had free time to accompany her in the dormitory while her roommate was visiting another city. She had to be accompanied because her condition was unstable, with frequent seizures and shortness of breath. 

I was speechless when I visited her room for the first time. Her room was chaotic. Clothes that had just been laundry piled up by the door, three empty oxygen tanks piled up in the corner of the room, jars filled with medicines, and a girl with her smile welcoming me (let's call her the smiley girl ^_^). She was sitting on the edge of the bed, writing the final project draft for graduation requirements from the undergraduate program. Despite her illness, she still struggled to complete her thesis in the astronomy department.

“Asssalamu’alaikum 😊” was my first word to her. Then our conversation continued to talk about her cat. Sstt. Before meeting this girl, the first rule is not to ask about the family, as it is a sensitive topic with all its complexity. After being tired of chit-chat, she handed me her notebook and then asked for leave to rest. During her break, I read a notebook that became her diary. The book contains her family history, history of illness, and various things she has faced. After reading that book, I felt like I had entered someone else's life and become one of the people God sent to help her.

Honestly, I was confused and doubtful whether I could help with my limited condition. Both mentally and financially. Mentally, I've never taken care of a sick person, and I'm a person who panics easily. Financially, I even had to work on my living and college expenses. I wasn't yet a BPI scholarship awardee. At that time, I was still in the first semester of graduate school.

Although the smiley girl did everything from bed except for the toilet, she was very independent. She didn't ask anyone for help if she could handle it alone. She worked as an online teacher to provide for her daily financial needs. Did research from the bed because of the research in computational science. Used delivery services for food and laundry. Even for medical treatment at the hospital, she would go alone if she could walk and wasn't too weak. Within one month, she had to check up with an internist, neurologist, and psychiatrist. So, you can imagine that her life was only about the dormitory and hospital.

However, her physical and mental condition was not always good as someone with autoimmune and BPD. There are times known as flare-ups. This condition was unpredictable when and where. One day, while I was at the lab, she said she was at the hospital waiting in line for a medical check-up but was feeling dizzy. Because I was also bored and stuck with my lab work that day, I followed her to the hospital. When I arrived at the hospital, I found her weak and slumped in the waiting chair. The queue was still long, so I let her rest. But a few minutes later, she was convulsing and unable to communicate. This was the first time I faced this situation. I panicked and wanted to cry, then ran to the nearest nurse. Health workers immediately approached and took the wheelchair. Moved her into a wheelchair and then to the Emergency Room (ER).

After observation by the doctor in the ER, the doctor allowed the smiley girl to go home and rest because this was not the first time she had had seizures with normal vitals. I took her to her dormitory. Her roommate was waiting so I could go back to the lab. All the way to the lab, I couldn't stop crying because I was still panicking. When I arrived at the lab, I was still crying and feeling exhausted, especially after facing many people in the ER who asked me to dig up information about her medical history in the last few days.

Since that incident, I wrote down what happened and what I felt on paper to calm down, including the triggers of those uncomfortable feelings. Then I identify which feelings are real and which are not. This condition continues to occur repeatedly, with the same pattern, ending with me crying and exhausted for a shorter duration. Then I overcame my anxiety when facing the doctor's questions by asking the smiley girl to record her medical history for the past week and send it to me before accompanying her for a medical check-up.

The progress of my response to the unexpected or unforeseen moments was seen when I accompanied the smiley girl for her 4th chemotherapy. Yes, the doctor tried to do chemotherapy to relieve the pain. This 4th chemotherapy did not go well. The smiley girl had another convulsion just before the therapy started. We went to the ER again, and she had repeated seizures of 30 seconds every few minutes for about 3 hours. It only stopped when the nurse gave her sedatives and anti-seizures.

At the same time, I was attending an online lecture using a cell phone and earphones. Analytical mechanics lecture, then continued with the statistical mechanics' lecture. While in the ER, I didn't feel panicked and could divide my focus between lectures and answering the doctor's questions. Maybe because I seemed very calm and relaxed in that condition, the young doctor (I saw in his uniform was a neurologist) said, "How come you can be so calm, sis? I just feel really panicked.” At that time, I said that if I was in the hospital, there would be a doctor who would understand the situation. We have tried our best, so why should we panic. After making observations, the doctor finally decided that the smiley girl should be hospitalized to find the specific cause of her condition. Hearing this news, I immediately took care of the administration to take care of the inpatient room. Besides that, I asked all my friends who could share the schedule for caring for the smiley girl at the hospital when I had to go to campus. You're right. It's not the first time, so I can easily handle things.

If you think I'm facing all of this alone, you're wrong. Many people have helped me both directly and indirectly, both mentally and financially. A friend who always helps me mentally has taught me to rediscover the essence of helping others. Everything must be intended for Allah subhanahuwata’ala. Hoping for Allah's blessing and mercy. We never know. Maybe, someone that Allah sends into our lives, one of them is our way to heaven. Our willingness and ability to help others also do not come from ourselves, all because of the love of the all-merciful God Ar-Rahman. My friends who always help me do fundraisers taught me that kindness was spreading. My friends, who always share their time to help the smiley girl when I can't help her, have taught me that Allah's help can come through anyone. May the Almighty grant you the greatest of all blessings.

All praises to Allah, the smiley girl completed her thesis last year and graduated with a bachelor’s degree in astronomy. This year, her health condition has started to improve, although she still has to do medical check-ups. On this auspicious day of Arafah, let me pray for the smiley girl to recover and recover both physically and mentally. And those who accompany her are given patience and sincerity. Aamiin Yaa Rabbal’alamiin.

O Allah, Lord of mankind, remove the harm and heal, for You are the Healer. There is no cure except Your cure, a cure that leaves no illness.

The smiley girl has taught us many things. About patience, gratitude, ikhtiar, tawakkal, and realizing that there is no power and effort other than Allah's help. Barakallahu fiik.

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In frame: The smiley girl, my best friend, and I. We celebrated the moment after I finished my thesis defence on December 2022.